i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
