Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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