Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
