You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You made out with two different species that night
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
