so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
