is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
