Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
