Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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