she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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