I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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