I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize