Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
