I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
