oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
