i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
