he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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