I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
