i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I need to stop coming to work sober
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
