the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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