it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize