i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize