ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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