i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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