I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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