i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
