I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
