drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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