NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
