I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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