So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
