Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize