we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
