I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
