It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I know her cup size but not her name....
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