Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm too high and old for this...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize