worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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