do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
