Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
