she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
