Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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