Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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