My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
