First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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