why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
