hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize