so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
