she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
