I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
