Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
