should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
