She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
