Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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