Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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