mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
