My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
