A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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