I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
