Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
