i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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