Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
