Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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