so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
