I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Couch. On fire.
Randomize