ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
