Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
