He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
