But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
two words: eviction party
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
