You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
