This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
