moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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