I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
