so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
