So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
