I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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