I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
