Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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