i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
