It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
