he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
