and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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