i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
