I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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