I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize