Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I think we might need a safe word for this...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
