Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
