White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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