Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Your penis caused this!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
